I led a retreat a couple of weeks ago and this talk was particularly helpful in shedding light on the retreatants’ meditation practice. I hope it does the same for you. The overall theme of the retreat was what our attitudes are as we sit in meditation, how events before we actually close our eyes can affect our attitudes towards our meditation, and how those attitudes can affect what follows.
What are Attitudes?
Attitudes are foundational ways of thinking and feeling. In other words, they are broad patterns of sustained thought that have both an emotional and cognitive nature. Many of our attitudes aren’t obvious.
In Buddhist language, attitudes are expressed as an ideal, as ‘perfections’ such as generosity, ethical self-discipline, patience, perseverance, mental stability, and wisdom. These are fine qualities to develop but I want to take a more pragmatic, specific approach to these attitudes.
Common Attitudes in Meditation
The overall attitudes we carry provide an umbrella for our experience. They change how we see ourselves and our meditation.
Some common attitudes are:
- We have preconceived ideas about how meditation should gom such as, we should relax, be calm, be kind or compassionate. They can also be phrased as ‘I want to be relaxed, calm, kind or compassionate’.
- We want a particular outcome such as an insight, relaxation, or a break.
- We think we should follow a plan or routine to reach our hoped-for outcomes. We’re searching for the ‘right way’.
- In our sittings or in our reflection, we find ourselves pushing ourselves in a certain direction we think we should go or avoiding certain directions we don’t want to pursue. We try to distance ourselves from our experience.
None of these are right or wrong, good or bad. They just are. This is how the mind is. Attitudes incorporate opinions, beliefs, moods, and habits of mind. Each one of these attitudes, and many others give us information. These are the teachings across all schools of Buddhism. To be with things as they are. What can we learn from them?
Working with Attitudes in Meditation
Sounds simple—to be with them—but not so easy to follow through—to be with them. I heard it phrased as ‘to stand near our experience’.
Meditation isn’t a self-improvement project. As much as we want to relax, have an insight, be calm, or whatever our hope is, meditation is about being with what is, with as much equanimity as possible—seeing how things are.
The attitudes I mentioned may or may not help us. Instead of ‘not doing them’, or pushing ourselves to do something different, understanding them, how they arise, and how they function is an approach RM recommends.
When did you first notice one of those attitudes in your sitting or are they usually lurking in the background? Is this how you usually think? What do you notice in your senses—seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, body sensations, and thoughts? How do these attitudes change your perception of your meditation? How does that affect you? What other habits of mind related to your meditation are you aware of?
Removing the Self
You’ll notice that in each of the attitudes, the pronouns ‘I,’ ‘me,’ and ‘mine’ are prominent. ‘I want my meditations to go like this. I don’t want this.’ The problem with these pronouns is they are a sign we’re identifying with them rather than being with them. Attitudes don’t define who we are, just what we’re experiencing right now. This is very important. Whatever we experience, even if it happens often, does not define YOU. You are so much more, it’s just your experience now.
Do you find yourself deciding whether a meditation is good or bad or just ok? What is a good meditation? When is it bad or just ok? How did you come to that realization? That might tell you about an attitude you hold.
Understanding our attitudes helps us see ourselves in a more accurate light.
Conclusion
Attitudes are states of mind. These attitudes are all internal. They do not come from outside, we created them all by ourselves, from conditions in our lives, although usually unconsciously and generally to fit in or in reaction to family, friends, society, culture, etc.
Did any of those typical attitudes I mentioned in the beginning resonate with you? Did you recognize any of them such as in “Oh, I understand that one. I do that.”
In your next sitting go below the surface, look deeper. You can select one you resonate with or sit as usual. I would love for you to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Wonderful reinforcement.
Thanks.