How can we maintain wise compassion in the face of the political chaos? Are there limits to compassion?
Compassion or karuna is the second of the Brahma Viharas or Divine Abodes. These are qualities or attitudes that are worthy of being developed. The others are Metta or Loving-kindness, Mudita or appreciative joy, and Upekka or equanimity.
Compassion is more than sympathy or empathy. It involves an action component in addition to recognizing the suffering of others. Karuna asks us to go beyond emotions to taking action to relieve the suffering of others. Compassion helps us overcome our preoccupation with self and develop a connection to others.
Along with compassion, we are asked to develop wisdom. It’s often compared to the wings of a bird, with one wing being wisdom and the other compassion. Wisdom is often described as discernment or insight. Are we really helping others or avoiding the pain or discomfort of confronting an unhealthy situation? Are we looking to take credit for good deeds? Are we offering real help, or are we supporting an unhealthy situation?
As philosopher Ken Wilber says, “Real compassion includes wisdom and so it makes judgments of care and concern; it says some things are good, and some things are bad, and I will choose to act only on those things that are informed by wisdom and care.”
Recently, I participated in a discussion group about compassion related to our chaotic times. We discussed the following questions:
- Who is in your ‘circle of compassion’?
- How far can we extend our compassion, and how far should we?
- How much compassion do you have towards political leaders you disagree with or an agency that does something offensive?
- What are your barriers to compassion? What makes it difficult to feel compassionate?
- Are there limits to compassion?
I’d been taught that compassion is boundless, so the idea of limits to my compassion was new. But should we extend compassion to everyone? Chogyam Trungpa first proposed the idea of ‘idiot compassion’, but his student Pema Chodron explained it better:
It refers to something we all do a lot of and call it compassion. In some ways, it’s what’s called enabling. It’s the general tendency to give people what they want because you can’t bear to see them suffering. Basically, you’re not giving them what they need. You’re trying to get away from your feeling of I can’t bear to see them suffering. In other words, you’re doing it for yourself. You’re not really doing it for them.
Pema Chödron, The Places that Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times, 2018.
We could ‘support and encourage’ to look good and kind (a good Buddhist), but is it kindness if the situation calls for honesty?
The Buddha warned against attachment, even compassion. Intelligence and discernment are needed here. Is our compassion helping them or us? Can we be compassionate to the person but not their actions?
Examples that came up with in the group were domestic abusers, drug addicts, alcoholics, and even members of our government. For example, drug abusers don’t need compassion as much as they need to get into treatment before they cause more damage to themselves, their families, and the community. We can do it with firm kindness, but not confronting isn’t compassion. Providing support isn’t what’s needed now, except support to get into treatment.
Anger was a barrier to compassion for most of us. Our identities, too. ‘I’m a liberal’ or ‘I’m a Dem’ shapes our opinions and gives us a group where we belong. But what happens when the people who share our identity are annoying or worse? They share information that is untrue, false, or divisive.
These questions gave me so much to take into my meditation. I encourage you to take these questions or others you think of into your meditation.
Please leave your comments below. I’d love to hear what you came up with. What are the limits to your compassion? How do you offer compassion for people you strongly disagree with, or do you?
Hi Erica. Great to hear your thoughts. I loved the Pema quote you cited and will read it over again to get deeper into its meaning. I am able to sleep at night because I go to bed saying loving kindness prayers, starting with self and expanding out into wider circles. (Sharon Salzburg wisdom) The closest I got to praying for Felon 47 is when I came to a conclusion (read “judged’) that he must be so sad that no-one loves him enough to get him help. I am grateful I am loved in this life and continue to count my blessings, retain an attitude of gratitude on a daily basis, and do what I can to be part of the solution and not the problem. I have grandchildren that I adore and will work as long and as hard as I can to help make their futures bright and healthy as possible. Thank you for being a fellow light-worker on this planet. Namaste, friend.
Again, thanks, Renee, for your comments. Wise comments about metta, gratitude, and doing what we can for our children and grandchildren. They are the ones I’m most concerned about because the future is theirs.
I have never thought about limits to compassion either. That does seem like a foreign concept to Buddhist teachings. But my experience is that meaningful compassion is only possible with wisdom. As you point out, enabling a harmful behavior (or any behavior, really) is not compassion at all. In order to alleviate suffering, wisdom is necessary. We must first understand the roots of suffering before we can do anything to help. And allowing or enabling any unwise behavior will not ultimately benefit anyone who is suffering.
I think this is the same common misconception that comes up around acceptance, too. We must accept things the way they are before we can develop the wisdom to do anything about them, but acceptance does not mean approving, enabling, or even tolerating those things. A wise response will seek to change things that are harmful, but we cannot hope to change things without first acknowledging that they exist.
It is very difficult to feel loving kindness for people we don’t like or disagree with. But those negative emotions are connected to a belief that they are wrong, that they are doing something harmful. Cultivating wisdom, through meditation, can
help us understand the true roots of not only the suffering they are causing but also the suffering that they are *experiencing*—that leads them to the behaviors we don’t like. Then we can respond in a way that might help. And that response is what I would call true compassion—making someone feel better (or simply ignoring their harmful actions) without addressing the causes of suffering is not compassion at all.
Instead of the word ‘acceptance’, ‘acknowledging’ or ‘recognizing’ works better for me. Even though the word acceptance doesn’t mean approving, it’s hard for me not to feel that it is approving. So I use these other words.
I understand what you’re saying in your last paragraph, but what if the person is ‘doing wrong or harmful’? I can see the roots of their behavior, but they are still doing wrong now. Stopping them (to what extent we can) is wise compassion.
Your last sentence says it all, though I find it difficult to address the problem directly sometimes. I’m taking a risk that I may get backlash. I spend time exploring what the basis of my fear is, how realistic it is, and how to best formulate my words.
After living through decades of my own ignorance, I know some people identify with the shadows of chaos because of ignorance. Practicing Meditation helps turn it all into a peep puppet show knowing no one gets out of here alive just relax and enjoy the drama.
The Pema Chodran quote was so good. Enjoyed this whole consideration. Thank you.
Thanks Suzan.